For a thousand years

I have been at a loss for words for months.  But as I approach the second anniversary of Bob’s passing, June 8th, I cry more often, sleep less, feel desperately lonely.

After this length of time people drift away. They assume you’re okay. Yes, I am better than I was, but I still struggle every day.

Today I was looking for the lyrics for a song I liked and I found the “official video.” It was written for the Twilight Saga, so there’s pictures of the wedding between the two main characters nestled in with the singer, Christina Perri, but it’s the song I love. The words and melody are beautiful . I began singing along. By the end of the song I was in tears.

The tears were short lived. I’m okay. But the memories and the pain never go away. You always remember. And, I believe, that you should never forget.

I consider myself lucky to have loved, and have been loved, unconditionally. I just wish it had been for a thousand years, or more.

8 thoughts on “For a thousand years

  1. Christine Peets May 27, 2015 / 6:30 pm

    This is such a beautiful song, Suzanne, and one that can sum up feelings for many of us. You were lucky to love, and be loved for as long as you were with Bob. He is still with you, and he still loves you. He will for a thousand years. Hugs!


  2. Suzanne Boles May 27, 2015 / 6:36 pm

    Thanks Christine. That’s what people tell me. He is with me. He still loves me. I’m starting to believe it. It’s just hard being here on this side without him.


  3. Cynthia Dusseault May 27, 2015 / 7:51 pm

    Oh, Suzanne. It’s a lovely song. Some things are just so hard–too hard. You put into words what we all face going through someday–or what our spouses face going through if they lose us first. I wish I could take some of your grief away. Hugs!


  4. Suzanne Boles May 27, 2015 / 7:55 pm

    Thank you Cynthia. It’s part of the path. I can’t say I like it but I have to be resolved to living it. Hugs back!


  5. Doreen Pendgracs May 27, 2015 / 9:41 pm

    Hugs to you, Suzanne. It was good talking to you yesterday, and I am always here if you need me. Please let me know if you need a pleasant diversion, and I will be there at the drop of a hat.


  6. Images by Ceci May 28, 2015 / 3:47 am

    I saw a quote by someone (sorry, can’t remember who it was) to the effect that it was hard to learn to lose someone but even harder to learn to live without them. I think that sums it up rather well. It was on another friend’s Facebook page – a friend who had also lost her husband too young and too soon. The grief will always be there; a whole was ripped in your very soul. But hopefully, over the next thousand years, the memories of a grand love will prevail.


  7. Suzanne Boles May 28, 2015 / 9:50 am

    Thanks Doreen. I am hesitant to tell people when I feel this way. I don’t want to seem like I’m always complaining. Eventually keeping it in means it bubbles to the surface. The healthiest way I know how to deal with it is to write about it, and cry, and allow myself to be sad. I am just trying to navigate without a map. I appreciate that you’ve always been there for me. Hugs.


  8. Suzanne Boles May 28, 2015 / 9:56 am

    Eloquently put, Ceci. I can’t explain but writing helps. It seems to get the message across. It takes away some of my burden for a while. I’ve said this over and over again but it’s a roller coaster journey. The ups and downs are starting to even out now, and you have to learn to accept that they’re gone, but never what you want. Every day is surreal. It’s the new reality that you push away at the start, but you have to accept it because it is your life. Thanks for understanding.


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