One Day at a Time Part III

June 23, 2015

  • I haven’t been truly depressed for a while. I have sad days and moments of depression, but they pass quickly.
  • I continue to live by the decision to live, but not just for others, but for me.
  • I don’t need to be depressed to write from the heart. My best writing has been through this journey. I have touched so many people and they tell me this constantly. They continue to reach out. I am just trying to figure out how I can write from the heart without tears. This is my next lesson.
  • Depression doesn’t have to be my safety net or blanket of comfort. I have lived with it for so long I didn’t think I could survive without it but I can. I just have to take it one day at a time.
  • Life is always about learning. I have to keep learning how to live in a healthy way and, unfortunately, without Bob. It still makes me cry and I’ll never “get over it.” Life isn’t fair and I don’t have the “why” answers, but I am no longer afraid of death. I am always surprised and feel inspired when I learn something new that rings true with me.
  • I will never be happy every single day, but when I am happy people are drawn to me (not just when I’m sad and grieving). When I’m not happy I will cry but the sadness won’t last forever.
  • I want to work again, and I am taking steps to do this now, marketing, setting goals – things I could never do before, even when Bob was alive.
  • I can make plans for the future and set goals. Setting goals always scared me my whole life because I felt I had to do it in some perfect way. Maybe I won’t meet the exact goals but at least I’m trying. And maybe life will take me takes me on a different path but “I am doing the best I can” and “It’s good enough.”
  • Bob’s death didn’t cause my depression and anxiety but contributed to the depth of both. I have always been plagued by depression and anxiety (more than just your average anxious moments). Bob was my anchor and kept me grounded. My grief journey has been doubly hard because of this. It has been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do., but I am stronger because of this journey.
  • I am more aware of my mental health. Everyday people struggle with anxiety and depression, but try to ignore it or don’t recognize what it is . It seeps  into their lives and relationships and can destroy them. I recognize the signs of depression and anxiety and have been given the tools to combat them. Even more important, I have been given the gift of true insight and I am grateful for this.

Note to self: Sadness will come again but it doesn’t have to overshadow my life. Reach out and ask for help and it will be there.

NOTE: June 29, 2015 I went to see my psychiatrist and asked him to release me from his care. I continue on medication under the care of my own doctor now and with the help of a therapist I journey into a new program, CBT for anxiety as I venture back into life and finding my new normal.

2 thoughts on “One Day at a Time Part III

  1. Doreen Pendgracs July 11, 2015 / 11:27 pm

    Congrats, Suzanne, on being in touch with yourself, and understanding the various stages of healing. You ARE making progress.


  2. Suzanne Boles July 13, 2015 / 12:15 pm

    Thanks Doreen. I appreciate your support. It has been a long road but totally worth it in terms of what I’ve learned and how it’s changed my way of thinking.


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